I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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