i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
