She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
