A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this will be a night to untag.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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