Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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