how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
