so explain again why im purple
no
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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