Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
