Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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