There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
