I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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