yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
