I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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