You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
