The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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