i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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