woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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