Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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