On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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