Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
