I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
