fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
