Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
