You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
