When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They are going to name an STD after you.
Bring me that man meat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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