That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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