I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
