Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
