Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
