I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize