Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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