So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
