My friends, they love my intelligence
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
