Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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