dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
