I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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