Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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