mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
