Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, beer. Big fan.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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