He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
