why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
