This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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