He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
