Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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