how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
