how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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