Only a mothe r could love this liver
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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