just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
