I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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