At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize