Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
