The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
