Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
