Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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