so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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