wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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