dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
