No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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