I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
