The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
