tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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