Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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