Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the liver wants what the liver wants
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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