dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
