dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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