I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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